The Word is Flex

Flextime. Flexible scheduling. Job flexibility. You know the buzzwords. What they all have in common is the capacity for a little bit of give, a creative use of your time, an arrangement that prevents your job from Total Domination over your day and night. 

But I'm interested in another meaning of the word flex. I'm talking about flexing a muscle.  The dictionary calls it "to move by muscular control."  That's what you need to be doing if you want to do that tricky balancing acts between work and the rest of your life. Taking more control.

Doing a good job at the office -- being a high achiever, or a good girl, or whatever you call the strategy that has helped you get this far -- isn't going to build you the life you want. Following someone else's timetable or promotion schedule won't get you where you want to go. You need to make some tough decisions for yourself:  this will work for me, this won't, this works for now but then I'll need to shift to that.

Instead of trying to cope in a system that was not designed for you, one which leaves you flailing and worn out and sadly thinking there's something wrong with you, you need to get clear on the life you want to build -- and then do the heavy lifting. 

People tell you that to achieve work-life balance you should start by putting away your screens. I won't add my voice to that advice. And that's not just because I hope you'll read the posts here. ;-)

You're not going to find -- or fail to find -- the more relaxed life you crave because of any single action or handy tip. You know that.

What needs to happen instead is you getting empowered. You getting really intentional, bossy even, about the life you want. The workplace, especially in the U.S., hasn't caught up with people, families, or the gruesome fact that your boss and colleagues can reach you 24/7 and are watching their inbox for your reply. You are in a very imperfect world, and for now you need to deal with what is.

That means paddling furiously just won't cut it. It only leaves you exhausted. You need to start approaching work-life integration like it's your job. That means taking a step back pretty often to evaluate how it's going and what you can tweak -- or change big-time. Sometimes that's going to mean paring down. But at certain junctures you might find it's about pushing hard to get to a level where you have more options and flex.

Time-saving tips and yoga classes and the like can help you get through the day, but you need to be spending more time on the big picture, on your own big picture. Actually it's more like a movie, right? The demands and opportunities keep on changing, so you need to do the same. There's so much hype online about the amazingly vibrant and agile life everybody's having, but real life-crafting requires ongoing recalibration, close attention and patience.

I spend my days helping people do just that. In a city where people still like to think you can get anywhere in 15 minutes and everybody tries to do way too much, work-life stuff gets mixed up and reinvented in some amazing ways.  In this space you'll find stories of what seems to be working and what isn't, along with the latest research findings on stress, family-friendly policies and possibilities, flexible work options, our relationship with time, meaning-making, and mindfulness -- all carefully curated to help you craft a life that works for you.  And you'll find poetry and art to highlight the joy and nourish your soul along the way.

I hope this can be a conversation. You can find me here and on Twitter at @nycworklife.

One day we'll look back and wonder why it took the world so long to catch up. For today, know that nobody ever feels they've got it right, at least not for long. Einstein said it: life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance you must keep moving.